


Being Yourself, On Purpose

by wyvernwood



Series: Mikash and Zuran [3]
Category: Original Work
Genre: Anal Sex, Experienced/Inexperienced, M/M, Reunion Sex, SmutSwap treat, exes getting back together sex, magic sex toy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 17:49:08
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18287246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wyvernwood/pseuds/wyvernwood
Summary: Part III of Measure Twice, Cut OnceZuran wakes up, not at the Kolvan Lodge where he works as a courtesan, but in the quarters of a visiting knight errant. Mikash and Zuran may have resolved the tensions that led to their separation, but they lead incompatible lives. Zuran sees no way they could stay together. Mikash sees no way he would let go.





	Being Yourself, On Purpose

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nary](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nary/gifts).



"Real style is never right or wrong. It's a matter of being yourself on purpose." _B. Bruce Boyer_

Zuran woke up curled next to Mikash in the bed at the knight errant quarters on the Kolvan Queensguard base. For a moment he wasn't sure where he was, what he was doing, or if it was a dream. He looked at the knight, who was asleep with his arm falling off the side, the lean muscle flexing under Mikash's bronze skin, a white scar laced across it. He remembered where Mikash had got that scar, remembered stitching it up after the glass ripped its gouges in one of the skirmishes just before they were captured.

This really had happened. He'd run into his lover from a decade ago, and they'd reunited. A passion he'd kept banked for that long had burned bright, last night. But what was he thinking, really, what were either of them thinking? That it was good to see each other again, Zuran thought wryly, as he touched the scar with light fingertips until Mikash moved in his sleep, rolled over and put it out of reach. That memories were a powerful aphrodisiac.

He could pick his his clothes up off the floor and put them back on, go to his own quarters at the lodge and retrieve a clean set of clothing, then go to the public baths. It was what he did most mornings, at least the part where he'd take clean clothing to the public baths to change into was. Waking up next to a lover was not. Zuran had taken up with one or two lovers since Mikash, but most people were not interested in sharing their beloved with five or six clients a night. And Zuran was picky about who he would have sex with, when it was not part of the job.

He had not been picky when he met Mikash. When he was a recruit in the Queen's guard, Zuran had often had a new lover each week, sometimes two at a time. He had been young, then, and everything about sex was exciting and new. Fucking and sucking and being fucked and sucked, tongues and fingers seeking new erogenous zones, it was a banquet of delights. Mikash had not been nearly as extravagant in his sexual adventures, or at least, not that Zuran knew, and Mikash was usually honest to a fault. Mikash had not been a virgin when they met, but his experience had been with one lover who'd broken his youthful heart, and a couple of men after that who'd been his attempt to get over the broken heart. 

Once the two of them had become close, there had been no one else for either of them. It wasn't a compact they made; they had been obsessed with one another, and it had been as if in some essential way no one else existed. 

A part of Zuran felt like that again, but he knew, rationally, that it couldn't be like that. He wasn't that young anymore, and their present lives weren't compatible. He imagined saying that to Mikash, imagined what Mikash would say to argue with him. It had been wonderful beyond words to be with Mikash again, but Zuran thought perhaps, since it was beyond words, he ought not to stay and wait until there were words. He ought to leave now and keep the memory intact.

As he was checking to make sure he hadn't forgotten any of his belongings, he bumped into a metal bucket with a sweeper in it -- did knights errant clean their own quarters, or perhaps a recruit had left it here by accident, Zuran wondered -- and the clang of it falling over woke Mikash up.

The knight half-sat and looked around wildly, the gold tones of his brown eyes lost behind pupils still dilated from sleep. "What - who's there?" He swung his feet onto the floor and stood, pushing off the light blanket, entirely nude. Zuran was arrested at the sight. Mikash was taller and stronger than Zuran kept thinking he was, because Zuran's mental picture of Mikash was a decade out of date, the knight's broad shoulders and narrow waist showed off a physique that was as good as any courtesan's, and the few scars had clearly been expertly tended. Zuran saw one he didn't recognize, just above where Mikash's groin met his upper thigh, that looked as though it had been close enough to the artery there to be nearly fatal.

"Oh, yes. Zuran." Mikash had woken up enough to remember who he was. "Where are you going?"

"Home to get a change of clothes, then the public baths," Zuran said. He found he was more relieved than disappointed that his plan to get out before Mikash woke had been stymied.

"Wait, I'll go with you." Mikash rummaged around for clothing. 

"Isn't there a bathhouse on the base you use?" Zuran thought it would be odd for Mikash not to use the base's baths. It would be something people would notice.

"Yes, but you weren't going there." Mikash seemed to think nothing of this.

"I have no clean clothes here," Zuran said, trying to explain how logical it had seemed in his mind before Mikash had woke up and asked for explanations.

"You can wear some of mine," Mikash offered.

Zuran felt skeptical. Would Mikash have anything his style, his size? Even when they were together, Mikash had been a bit taller; now he was probably four or five inches taller than Zuran, and bulkier. His clothes wouldn't fall off, but they'd fit loosely and probably awkwardly, and Zuran wasn't going to be seen in public wearing ill-fitting clothing that was obviously borrowed from another man. "That's all right. I prefer my own." 

Mikash caught both of Zuran's hands and held them. The warmth of the knight's hands made Zuran want to shiver as a matching sort of warmth raced through his body. His cock stirred. "I've only just found you again. I can't let you leave so soon," Mikash said.

If Zuran hadn't already put his clothes on and braced himself to leave, this plea would have melted his resistance even more than it was actually doing. He did not want to go. But… "What are we doing, Mikash?" he asked. 

He leaned forward, pressed his lips against the curve of muscle at the base of Mikash's neck. Zuran sucked at his skin, just hard enough that he knew it would leave a mark. Mikash gasped as Zuran finished, trailing his tongue over the bruised flesh. 

Zuran leaned back to catch Mikash's eyes. "What are you asking me for? Do you want to resign your commission and get a job as a bouncer at the lodge? I could get them to hire you on." His tone of voice sharpened. "You wouldn't do well, and you'd hate it. Or do you want me to leave the lodge and become your camp follower? I could initiate new squires for you, and help you convince reluctant recruits. I expect you would hate that, too."

"Zuran, I didn't think--" Mikash put a hand up between them and cupped it around Zuran's cheek.

"I know you didn't." Zuran sighed, leaning his face against Mikash's hand. "I didn't either, until I woke up this morning. But once I started to, I couldn't stop."

"What if you became my squire? I don't have any at the moment. You've had the military experience, and you're older than usual but we've had older men than you who," Mikash said, pausing in the middle of the sentence when Zuran's head shake became emphatic. 

"If I could do that, there would have been no need for you to intervene when my client pulled his sword on me." Zuran saw the confusion on the knight's face. "I swore never to fight again, or even pick up a blade. Not to mention, I doubt they would have a traitor, even at _your_ word."

"No one knows about that." 

Orichalk, the warden of the lodge, also knew. She hadn't said it directly, but she'd hinted enough. "Someone does." 

Mikash had a guilty look on his face. Zuran wanted it gone, or - he wasn't sure. Seeing it made him feel even more distracted with a rush of emotion, of visceral need directed at the still naked knight. He put his hand on Mikash's chest and pushed him, Mikash stepping back, allowing - no, inviting - him to do this. It was too easy to push the knight until the back of his legs was against the bed, and he flopped back onto it. "Stay," Mikash said, the word phrased as a command, the tone holding more than an edge of pleading.

"I haven't got time," Zuran said, resisting. He didn't want to, but he did want to, at the same time. He had no idea what he wanted. His priorities were all mixed up.

"Is it because we never fucked? Because -- you wanted to, and I wouldn't?" 

Zuran froze. "What? I'm fine with what we did. I'm not obligated to a certain sex act. I think you could tell how much I enjoyed it." He really did have to do this; he'd known Mikash needed to be praised and given approval. He'd just thought the intensity with which he felt it made it obvious without the words being said. But he should, did, know better, really. 

"You'd miss that if you quit your job."

"Hardly any of my clients want me to fuck them, Mikash." This wasn't quite true. It was less than half, but not by that much. "And I don't take clients who want to fuck me. The lodge has plenty of others if that's what they are looking for." 

"I'll do it. Now, so you know I mean it." The determination and - was that fear? No, but something kin to it, there on Mikash's face, was simply too much for Zuran.

He couldn't bear it any longer. He had had enough. No matter how much Zuran wanted to ignore everything else and let lust take him over -- he had a real life and this wasn't part of it. "Mikash, I'm going, and you're not coming with me. I'll come back tonight to see you again, and --" he wasn't sure what came after the "and" though. Figure things out? Say goodbye? Make plans? Fuck? 

Mikash seemed to realize he shouldn't push further. "All right."

Zuran picked up his clothes from his rooms, went to the bathhouse and bathed, then dressed himself and began to prepare for his shift at work. He felt somewhat more himself once he was clean and groomed, but there was a warm anticipatory glow inside him that was new and unsettling. A little like the first flush of drunkenness, a little like the stage fright before a particularly difficult client, and more enticing than either. He wanted to let himself swim in the feeling, the ocean-current-pull of it, but it wanted to drown him, and he wouldn't allow that.

He spoke to the concierge and reviewed his schedule. A light one, four clients, but the last was one of the least easy to please, and he had two hours blocked out. How was that going to work?

An hour later, he had got nowhere, and he knew the answer. It _wasn't_ going to work. He went upstairs to talk to Orichalk.

The door to her chamber was open, and he stepped through the warded doorway, feeling the static charge of its potential fizz against his skin. It judged him to belong, and did nothing more to him than that. 

The warden of the Lodge was writing in a large book, probably a ledger. Her opal-pale eyes looked up and caught Zuran's. He saw a little surprise, nothing more, on her face.

"Please excuse the intrusion," Zuran said. 

"Topaz," she said warmly. She gave all the courtesans pseudonyms to use for their work, chose them by some process no one knew. Whether it was her whim or part of her wardings, she would not say. Topaz was Zuran's. 

Clients knew him by that name, and so did the other employees here. He suspected part of the reason was that a good portion of them had things in their past they would rather not recall, as he did himself. Not being called by their real names made it easier to become known for what they were now, without being known for who they had been. And for that matter, none of them knew what Orichalk's name had been at her birth. If they had not all had the same situation, it might have been more likely they would pry into that mystery.

When Zuran said nothing immediately, Orichalk prompted him. "What brought you to me today, Topaz?"

Zuran hesitated. To anyone else, he would probably lie, but it wasn't safe to lie to Orichalk. He could slant the truth, though. "Yesterday one of my patrons attacked me. I don't feel as though I can work today. I've tried to prepare, and the focus I need eludes me." 

"You surprise me, Topaz." The elf's opal eyes widened a fraction, and a thin white mist curled out of them. "There are aids to concentration," she said, moving her hand to a sliding panel under the table where she sat. "You usually are not interested in them."

"Thank you. I don't think that is the best idea." Zuran wanted to fold his arms, but he resisted, kept them at his sides and loose, trying to appear more relaxed than he felt. She would know, but he wanted her to know, wanted her to see how difficult it was, but that he could do it. "It isn't the first time a patron has threatened me, of course. But the last few were not regulars. This time -- if I had not been distracted, it would not have happened."

"I see," she said, and he thought she did. "This distraction. Tell me about it."

"A man from my past. We served together in the war. He was here, asking about me. And when the patron drew his sword -- this man disarmed him." Zuran felt himself flush. That, he hadn't wanted her to see. 

"You are asking for release from your duties, to see to this distraction, then?" Orichalk stood. She was tall, and her hair floated up as if she was underwater, making her look even taller than she was. "Do you think you can take care of it in a day?"

"I think so," Zuran said. He wasn't sure at all. "It's safer and better for business to cancel my trysts for tonight than to handle them badly."

Orichalk looked thoughtful. "In your case, I believe that is true." She waved a hand in a graceful curve, and settled back into her chair. "Take care of your distraction and be ready to work tomorrow evening. And tell the concierge to find others to offer to your patrons while you are out tonight. If they insist on waiting for you, he might add them to your schedule where time allows."

"Thank you," Zuran said. The conversation had gone more easily than he had expected.

"Until now, you have done very well here," Orichalk said. "As long as that is true, an occasional distraction is a minor inconvenience." He heard the undercurrent of this as clearly as if she'd said it aloud. If he stopped being a credit to the lodge, well, the threat was vague, but no less a threat for its imprecision.

Being reminded that his job was one it wasn't easy to quit made it easier for Zuran to imagine quitting. Soldier and spy weren't easy jobs to quit either, and he'd managed. Not that he wanted to quit his job. He didn't want to live off Mikash. He didn't want to fight. There weren't a lot of options Zuran envisioned for himself. And, when he wasn't being _distracted_ , he liked his job. Liked the feeling of doing something others couldn't, that gave pleasure, that gave him outlets for his needs without violating his oath. 

After speaking with the concierge, Zuran spent several hours daydreaming about Mikash as he did his exercises. They kept his body in shape and kept his mind sharp, too. When he was done, he went back to the baths and got thoroughly clean again, and then to his rooms and packed some items he thought might be helpful. He stopped in his alcove to pick up supplies as well. Slinging the pack on his back, Zuran walked the road to the knight errant's quarters humming a tune from his training days.

\---

Mikash had not been able to work much, even though the city of Kolva clearly had need of a few more knights to keep its citizens honest. He'd gone out and had a meal and tried to observe as he usually did, who would be likely to do something to break the law, who was stealthily doing that in front of observers, but it hadn't worked out. The only thing he was thinking about was sex. 

He went to the baths on the base and cleaned himself up more thoroughly than he usually did, and replayed memories. Some were about Zuran, and those were good, but also he was thinking about the last man he'd tried fucking, and how badly that had gone. 

He just didn't know how to do it right, and it was because he'd never wanted to do it at all. But Mikash didn't want to be celibate, either. He wanted to be kissed, and fondle, and have a cock in his mouth, and he really wanted to enjoy being given blow jobs too, though the one Zuran had given him the night before was the only really good one he'd had. Usually he ruined it by getting too excited too quickly, and he barely felt like he came when that happened. 

But the most recent man Mikash had been intimate with before coming to Kolva was a journeyman saddler who several times had repaired Mikash's gear. He had been a good kisser; it had seemed like he enjoyed Mikash fondling him, putting his hand down his pants, squeezing his ass or his balls, and pressing a cupped hand against his stiffening cock. They'd gotten along well for a while. Then the guy wanted to fuck. It had been years since the initial objections Mikash had, and he thought, maybe. Maybe he should give it another try. But it had felt weird and not especially pleasant, when the leatherworker had put his finger in Mikash's ass. It had felt even weirder to put his finger in the guy's, and when it came time to put his cock in there, of course, he hadn't been able to stay hard long enough for either man's satisfaction. And after that the journeyman hadn't wanted to try it the other way around, the feeling had been gone. 

Why had he impulsively asked Zuran to fuck? It was Zuran, he'd be able to make it good, maybe. The way he did with his clients. But no, Zuran had said his clients didn't fuck him. So maybe he didn't have a solution for it either. It was confusing, because Mikash at the same time didn't want to, physically, but emotionally he didn't want _not_ to. He felt like if Zuran fucked him, there would be a better chance of Zuran deciding they should try to rebuild a relationship and not go back to leading separate lives.

He knew it was asking a lot. But he had to try everything. Zuran was worth it. He knew Zuran felt the same way because otherwise he wouldn't have come with him to his quarters; he would have been satisfied with what they'd done in the alcove at the lodge. The undeniable fact that Zuran had simply left the lodge and followed him home and let Mikash give him a blow job was, Mikash told himself, evidence that Zuran returned his feelings.

So it was not much of a surprise when Zuran showed up several hours earlier than Mikash had expected him. The moment the door closed behind them, their lips met and their arms were around each other. Then Zuran pulled back, and gave him a look that somehow made Mikash feel as though his legs were not going to hold him much longer. 

"You look good, Mikash," Zuran said. "I see you washed for me, and I appreciate it. This morning, when I had got dressed when you were asleep, and then you got out of bed naked and tried to get me to stay, I realized something. I want that. So, take your clothes off for me."

This was good. Zuran was having feelings about him. Encourage it, Mikash thought. He hurried to take his clothes off. Hurried a little more than he could manage, and got tangled in his tunic when it was half over his head. His arm was stuck in knotted strings that he should have untied before trying to pull the tunic off, and the chest part of the tunic was covering his face. 

He felt Zuran's hand slide over his chest, along the outline of his pectoral muscles, down to his abdomen, up again under his ribcage. Zuran's fingers caught his nipple and tugged on it. 

Mikash found it impossible to concentrate on freeing his arm from the knot. He couldn't see what Zuran was doing, and that made it somehow more arousing, more exciting, which was strange because he thought he wanted more than anything to be able to see Zuran touching him like that. He had to get the shirt off. But every time he thought he almost had it, another caress or pinch blew away his concentration. "Help," he said finally.

Zuran must have untied the knot, because the shirt came off easily then. He was looking at Mikash with a bemused smile. Mikash felt an answering smile on his own face as he took off the rest of his clothing, managing not to get stuck again. How was he being so uncoordinated when he was so dexterous usually? It was a good thing he hadn't realized it was Zuran yet when he disarmed the fellow at the lodge, or he might have ended up putting his sword through his own thigh. "Are you really going to keep all your clothes on?" Mikash had to ask. It wasn't that Zuran didn't look good in his clothes. They fit perfectly and accentuated his shaped physique, his toned ass, his narrow waist and perfectly proportioned shoulders. But they couldn't fuck properly with Zuran dressed, and Zuran's body looked even better naked, and every inch of Mikash's skin wanted to touch Zuran's. 

"Not forever," Zuran said. "But it's -- mmpf." He smothered a word in his hand, pressing it to his mouth for a moment to stifle himself, then started over. "You didn't want this to be me working. You wanted me to please myself too, right? Not just see to your pleasure. So I'm going to indulge myself with this. With you." He put his hand over Mikash's, moved their hands to Mikash's cock. "Stroke yourself. If you feel too close, stop and press here." Zuran's fingers pressed Mikash's against the same spot he had held the previous night to help Mikash maintain his erection.

Mikash would have asked why Zuran wasn't the one doing the stroking and pressing, but Zuran's comment had stung him. He certainly didn't want Zuran to think of him as selfish sexually. So he could do this himself, it felt pretty good, and if it was arousing to Zuran he was willing. And he could see it was. Zuran's clothing was close fitting, and didn't hide the bulge at all.

Zuran circled him, looking at him from every angle, then reached into his pack and pulled out a small pot. He pulled back the lid and scooped out some of the contents. Then he moved close to Mikash's side, rested his cheek on the back of the knight's shoulder, and began to stroke the stuff from the pot, a cool slippery substance, between the cheeks of Mikash's ass and around his hole. 

Mikash moved his feet further apart to try to help. Not that Zuran had seemed to mind having his fingers squeezed as they sought their target. The sensation of being stroked with the ointment over and around and pressed against the hole was, maybe, good? Mikash really was not sure. 

"No, don't completely stop. Just pause and give yourself a squeeze when it feels too good." Zuran's voice was low and insistent. When Mikash began stroking his own cock once more, he felt Zuran's fingers push some of the slippery stuff inside him. Then Zuran took a step back and watched him for a moment, lips parted, tongue tip visible for a moment worrying the corner of his mouth. "I had no idea it would be like this," he said, almost to himself rather than to Mikash.

"What do you mean?" Mikash said anxiously. 

"Right," Zuran said. "I meant I feel so much I didn't think I could feel. Or would ever feel. You're the most -- distracting, alluring man, and you're going to wreck my life and I'll be happy about it." Zuran grinned wildly. "I can't say no right now. You wanted to fuck? We're going to fuck. And if you do like I tell you, we will enjoy it immeasurably." 

It was tantamount to a confession, and Mikash forgot to stop and compress his cock. He came all over his hand and flecks of sticky fluid scattered over his thigh and onto the floor. He swore a few words under his breath. 

"It's all right," Zuran said, not looking displeased at all. "You managed a good amount of time. And you don't need to be hard again just yet. Go lie down." He gestured toward the bed.

Mikash sprawled out on it comfortably on his side, propping himself on an elbow and beckoned to Zuran. He got a grin and Zuran disappeared behind him. Mikash flipped over to see Zuran pulling something made of yellowish metal out of his pack. 

\---

Zuran had brought the slider because he had used it before, and successfully. "This will go inside you first," he told Mikash, showing it to him, "because you haven't done this in a while. Right? It will help your body be prepared, so it feels good right away and doesn't hurt." 

"You don't have to worry about hurting me," Mikash said. Zuran grinned. Of course, a knight who still fought regularly wouldn't worry about something hurting. But it was important anyway, and Zuran thought he should explain why.

"It would make me unhappy for this to hurt you," he said softly. "I'm not interested in being unhappy about fucking you." To this, Mikash didn't say anything. Zuran caressed his shoulder and arm, sat down on the bed behind him, and looked down into his face smiling when Mikash looked up at him, craning his head back to do so. 

"Yes, I want you to be happy about this," Mikash said. His voice lowered. "And I don't want it to hurt, either." He stretched his arm that had been propping him up out, and lay his head flat. 

"That's good," Zuran said. "Lift your leg." He put his fingers between Mikash's thighs and lifted to show him what he meant. Guided, Mikash brought his knee up toward his chest, and Zuran was able to carefully insert the device. He did it very slowly, listening to the rhythm of the knight's breathing. "This will stretch and lubricate you, preventing any injury. There will still be a little discomfort, but it will soon feel so good, you will hardly notice." Maybe it was wishful thinking, but most of the people Zuran had used this type of slider on had that experience. They were mostly anxious about it, since it was either their first time or their previous times had been unpleasant. 

To Zuran, it looked like Mikash was feeling all right. Even good, he thought. He walked around and looked at the knight from all angles, noticing how his muscles flexed and moved as he shifted around, the places his skin was rougher and smoother, the well-healed scars on his shoulder, back, and thighs. He indulged himself and touched all the places he noticed, startling a smile out of Mikash at the first touch that grew wider as Zuran continued his survey. 

It wasn't until he began to want to touch with more than just his hands that Zuran took his own clothes off. He caught Mikash's cheek in his hand and turned his face to watch, then undressed himself in a way that wasn't obviously a show, but Zuran knew perfectly well it was one, though he thought Mikash might not. He watched obliquely to see Mikash's reaction. 

And it was everything he'd hoped for. Mikash followed Zuran with his eyes as he moved, forgot about the slider in his ass as he went to roll onto his back to watch as Zuran went behind him, felt it jostled by the bed and flushed, not just on his face, but small patches all over where the blood vessels were near his skin. Those spots would be sensitive, Zuran thought, and wanted to touch them all. 

When he was fully naked, Zuran walked back in front of Mikash. He stood next to the bed and leaned over the knight's body to remove the slider, which had finished its work. He might have done it from behind Mikash, but this way he felt like he was teasing them both with closeness, with availability, and he felt justified and pleased when Mikash accepted this implied invitation and began to stroke Zuran's side, able to reach just under his ribcage and then stroke down to his upper thigh. Zuran leaned into the caress, finishing his task.

As he cleaned the slider and put it away, Zuran's mind gave him images of Mikash still watching him, intent and focused. The feeling of his lover's eyes on him made his skin feel warm and sensitive where he imagined their gaze fell. He returned to the bed, lay behind Mikash, molding their bodies together, skin to skin, chest to back. Zuran leaned up on one elbow and looked down at Mikash's face. He saw the eagerness he'd expected, and still a bit of tension, too, anxiety or fear, he thought, and wasn't sure if it was for an act he had impulsively decided on, or for Zuran not being who or how he expected, or what other thing Mikash was afraid of at this point. 

And Zuran didn't like much the way seeing that fear heightened his passion, either. He'd known he liked such expressions on others he'd had sex with, but he had discovered those feelings well after parting from Mikash, and he hadn't expected to relish making Mikash afraid. He didn't want to, not on purpose, not now anyway -- but if it was happening on its own, he would let himself enjoy it. What was the harm? 

Zuran lowered his head again to the side of Mikash's neck, and kissed him. That morning, he'd kissed Mikash hard enough to leave a mark. This time he was gentle, no marks to be made, only soft lips, a dab of tongue. Mikash made a soft pleased sound and leaned his head to make his neck easier to get to. Zuran kept kissing, while he slid his right hand down Mikash's side to his ass. He pressed into the warm slick lubricated hole there. The slider had done its work, prepared the way, and he moved down just enough to position his cock where it needed to be to smoothly follow. Despite the lubrication, he had to press firmly for a moment to get past the tight ring of muscle, and he felt it relax just enough to let him in. 

Most often, Zuran had to keep his mind on arousing thoughts to keep himself hard enough for a client. Once in a while, one of them lucked on a feature or activity that naturally held his interest. But here, with Mikash, he had to distract his mind from the only thing he wanted and could think of, just for a short time, just long enough to be sure they were both satisfied. He would not allow any less.

Mikash shifted, and Zuran got his left hand under Mikash's side. Mikash lifted himself off the hand, giving Zuran room to caress his chest from behind. The shift in position made them both gasp as it caused Zuran's cock to press at a different angle within Mikash. Carefully, Zuran helped Mikash roll into a prone position. Once settled, he was at a better angle to be sure of giving his partner the best experience. He reached an accustomed rhythm, a manner that would ensure his cock pressed on the inward parts in such a way as to stimulate the most intense climaxes. 

Mikash was making sounds that Zuran knew were signs of enjoyment, consciously. He had heard the same sort of utterances often enough, and the part of his thoughts that knew how to think, still -- which was diminishing every second as the pleasure built within him -- knew what those moans meant. Increasingly, though, that animal part of him that only wanted pleasure did not care, or wanted to believe the sounds meant something else, and at some point Zuran let himself succumb to it, stopped putting all his effort to making his partner feel good and started doing what felt good to him. 

And he was astonished, the courtesan, when after what seemed a brief interval of fucking only to please himself, Mikash's voice raised in what sounded like an overwhelmingly orgasmic cry. Zuran had let go to the point where he wasn't able to stop himself from coming just from hearing that, and adding his own voice to Mikash's.

Zuran slipped off and lay on his side next to Mikash, who turned on his own side so they lay forehead to forehead. "Stay," Mikash said, an echo of how he'd said the same thing that morning. 

But this time, "I'm not going anywhere," Zuran said.

"I don't mean now," Mikash protested. "I know you aren't leaving now. We only…." his voice trailed off. There was something else he wanted to say, Zuran thought, but for some reason wouldn't finish. 

Zuran waited to see if waiting was all it would take for Mikash to say the rest of his sentence. Nearly a minute of silence elapsed. Zuran trailed his fingers through the knight's hair, behind his ear, along his jawline. Finally he asked, "When do you mean, then?"

But Mikash still didn't say anything. This time the quiet lasted twice as long, giving Zuran plenty of time to play with Mikash's earlobe, slip his hand across Mikash's chest, test to see how sensitive his nipple was. It seemed very sensitive, to judge by the gasp Mikash tried to suppress when Zuran gave it a playful flick. Finally that seemed to break his silence. "Zuran," Mikash said, "I want to stay with you. For you to stay with me. I know it will be difficult."

"Complicated," Zuran said. It would be difficult, maybe, depending on things he couldn't predict. Mikash reached his left hand to touch Zuran's cheek, then caressed down his neck to the shoulder.

"Difficult and complicated. But we have to." Mikash's fingers tightened on Zuran's shoulder. "Stay with me. We'll figure out a way to make it work."

"Yes," Zuran said, and he felt the tension go out of Mikash for a moment, a boneless relaxation that almost made him laugh.

But it was brief. A lesser tension picked right up where the larger one had departed. "I, uh…" Mikash didn't hesitate as long this time. Zuran didn't even have time to try tickling him before he went on. "I don't feel ready to fuck you now after all. Will you mind waiting?"

Zuran really did laugh when he heard this. "Yes, are you serious? We definitely should wait for that. Until you're ready. I have a lot more techniques for you to learn about keeping yourself hard before that will be a really good idea." He did feel a delicious sense of anticipation about it, though. Something to look forward to for both of them.

Mikash put both arms around Zuran in an enormous hug that surprised Zuran with the sheer strength of the knight. He shouldn't have been surprised. The man was a great fighter, he'd seen that just the night before in action. All that power, all that beauty - his again. Zuran resolved he would find a way to make it work. No one would help them. Orichalk, the whole Queensguard, and probably Mikash's powerful family would all be against it, but they'd find a way.

At that moment, in Mikash's arms, Zuran believed they would somehow find a solution to every problem that lay ahead, and the future looked beautiful.

**Author's Note:**

> Part III of a series written for the Knight Errant/Their Old Friend Who Is Now A Courtesan pairing for Smut Swap 2019.
> 
> Part I: _[Measure Twice](/works/18287039)_ : the immediately preceding events, told from Zuran's viewpoint.  
> Part II: _[Cut Once](/works/18287105)_ : the immediately preceding events, told from Mikash's viewpoint.
> 
> Thank you to asuralucier for beta-reading and for feedback that helped me make these stories better. I'm stubborn and didn't make every suggested change 😄


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